Passing Days

Life without you is hard. You are like my second stream of conscious and when it goes silent I go insane. They call this dependent and unhealthy and I have to agree. These past days have been up downs of happy and sad. With or without you I am crazy and I think I am going through an increase. Or off the deep end. I just cant tell if it is the rest of the world or if I am just a horrible person. Do I need you to tell me I am wonderful? No that isnt the answer because I know I am. The eight weeks without you will be testing but I will find strength within myself.

I wonder what you are doing and the fun you are having. I am jealous, a little, but I am mkre excited to hear every detail and experience your tales. I think about the future and the hardships but I smile. I know you are forever I know I cant be wrong.

Saturday was nothing but errands. They are ridiculous as you know but I am trying to see it as entertainment: oooh hoo hoo these funny people I am around!!! Its hard to remember always maybe I should talk about it more to see how ridiculomous it all is. I was a digestive mess Saturday. Granted my beer farts are nothing like yours but they are pretty awful.

So the funniest thing they do I have to tell you. I guess I am at an age when it must be hard to Christmas shop for me. I like the system the Sheffields have and I have been trying to enact that . So I went out with my Grandma and she bought me some gifts and said, "You have to act surprised on Christmas in front of your mother!" Then Saturday while I was out with both of them Mom and I had an exoerience. I found yoga pants I wanted (looking back I shoukd have researched more and found better ones). I wanted just two pair. Well first she said, "You have to act surprised in front of your Grandmother for Christmas" and thrn tried to find more. I think its communication and I think a lot is my fault. I didnt really give her a list so she didnt really know. I am making a resolution to end this particukar stress. Enough is enough. Communication is so important as you and I have taught each other. If the spirit of surprise and caring is what Christmas is then it should kast all year. We communicate without boundary because we exist in limitless trust. I think fear of speaking is what kills communication and eliminates it as a process altogether. If the world, or at least me in my other relationships for starters, can trust enough to speak truthfully and honestly- if everyone could live with the no nothing rule- oh what a world it could be.

Here's to no more fear after deep reassurance,
Here's to you baby!